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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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