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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Guy
Card
Come
Store
Stores
Cards
Acceptance
Guys
Accept
Nike
Accepting
Payment

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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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