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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
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White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
Dov Davidoff