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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Dov Davidoff
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
Dov Davidoff
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff