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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
Dov Davidoff
You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
Dov Davidoff
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
Dov Davidoff