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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff
Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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