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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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