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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Statistically
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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