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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Spot
Spots
Stop
Nothing
Thanking
Parking

More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Dov Davidoff
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Dov Davidoff
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
Dov Davidoff
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
Dov Davidoff
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
Dov Davidoff
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
Dov Davidoff
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
Dov Davidoff
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Dov Davidoff
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
Dov Davidoff
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
Dov Davidoff
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
Dov Davidoff
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
Dov Davidoff
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
Dov Davidoff
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
Dov Davidoff
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
Dov Davidoff
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Comedy is rarely funny.
Dov Davidoff
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
Dov Davidoff
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff