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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff