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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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