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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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