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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
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Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
Dov Davidoff