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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Dov Davidoff
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
Dov Davidoff
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
Dov Davidoff