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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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