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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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