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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Grows
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Economy

More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Dov Davidoff
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
Dov Davidoff
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
Dov Davidoff
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
Dov Davidoff