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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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