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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff