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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff