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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Language
May
Love
Atm
Options
Machine
Machines
Universal

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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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