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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
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Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
Dov Davidoff