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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Rarely
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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