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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
Dov Davidoff
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Dov Davidoff
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
Dov Davidoff
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
Dov Davidoff
My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
Dov Davidoff
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
Dov Davidoff
I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
Dov Davidoff
Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
Dov Davidoff
Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.
Dov Davidoff
Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
Dov Davidoff
You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
Dov Davidoff
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
Dov Davidoff
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Dov Davidoff
False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
Dov Davidoff
Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
Dov Davidoff
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Dov Davidoff