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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
Dov Davidoff