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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
Dov Davidoff
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
Dov Davidoff
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Dov Davidoff