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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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