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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Electricity
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Life

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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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