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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
Life
Electricity
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
Dov Davidoff
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
Dov Davidoff
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
Dov Davidoff
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Dov Davidoff
Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
Dov Davidoff