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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
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The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
Dov Davidoff