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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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