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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Thinking
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff