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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Dov Davidoff
Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Dov Davidoff
Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
Dov Davidoff
The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.
Dov Davidoff
The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
Comedy is rarely funny.
Dov Davidoff
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
Dov Davidoff
Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
Dov Davidoff
Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
Dov Davidoff
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
Dov Davidoff
Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Dov Davidoff
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff