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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
Dov Davidoff
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
Dov Davidoff
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
Dov Davidoff
Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Dov Davidoff
Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
Dov Davidoff