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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
Dov Davidoff
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
Dov Davidoff
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Comedy is rarely funny.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Dov Davidoff
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
Dov Davidoff
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Dov Davidoff
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
Dov Davidoff
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
Dov Davidoff