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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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