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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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