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Comedy is rarely funny.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
Comedy
Funny
Rarely
More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Dov Davidoff
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
Dov Davidoff
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Dov Davidoff
Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
Dov Davidoff
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
Dov Davidoff
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Dov Davidoff
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
Dov Davidoff
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Dov Davidoff
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
Dov Davidoff
If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Dov Davidoff
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
Dov Davidoff
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.
Dov Davidoff
Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Dov Davidoff
Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff
The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
Dov Davidoff