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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
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A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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