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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Awareness
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
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Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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