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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
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Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.
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If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
Dov Davidoff
Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
Dov Davidoff
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
Dov Davidoff
If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
Dov Davidoff
Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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