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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Seriously
Personality
Hate
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America
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Take
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Dov Davidoff
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
Dov Davidoff
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Dov Davidoff
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
Dov Davidoff