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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Chicks
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America
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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
Dov Davidoff