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I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
Dov Davidoff
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
Dov Davidoff
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Dov Davidoff
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
Dov Davidoff
The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.
Dov Davidoff
My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
Dov Davidoff
We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
Dov Davidoff
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Dov Davidoff
I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Dov Davidoff
Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
Dov Davidoff
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
Dov Davidoff