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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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