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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
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Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
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You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
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I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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