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I wanted to be John Cleese. It took me some time to realise that the job was taken.

Douglas Adams

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Douglas Adams
Age: 49 †
Born: 1952
Born: March 11
Died: 2001
Died: May 11
Comedian
Novelist
Playwright
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Douglas Noel Adams
Douglas Noël Adams
Douglas N. Adams
John
Took
Taken
Jobs
Wanted
Time
Realise
Realising

More quotes by Douglas Adams

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Ford looked at him severely. And no sneaky knocking down Mr Dent's house whilst he's away, alright? he said. The mere thought, growled Mr Prosser, hadn't even begun to speculate, he continued, settling himself back, about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.
Douglas Adams
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There are two things in particular that it [the computer industry] failed to foresee: one was the coming of the Internet(...) the other was the fact that the century would end.
Douglas Adams
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How can I tell, said the man, that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?
Douglas Adams
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Nobody got murdered before lunch. But nobody. People weren't up to it. You needed a good lunch to get both the blood-sugar and blood-lust levels up.
Douglas Adams
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Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Douglas Adams
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But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment. I've seen it. It's rubbish, said Zaphod,nothing but a gnab gib. A what? Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy.
Douglas Adams
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Can't stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I'll tell them what to do. Don't get bitten in the first place. (quoting Dr. Struan Sutherland)
Douglas Adams
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Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Douglas Adams
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If there was one thing life had taught her it was that there are times when you do not go back for your bag and times when you do. It had yet to teach her to distinguish between the two types of occasion.
Douglas Adams
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God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining.
Douglas Adams
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Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
Douglas Adams
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There are two things you should remember when dealing with parallel universes. One, they're not really parallel, and two, they're not really universes
Douglas Adams
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The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that's not saying much. Let's face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end.
Douglas Adams
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It was one of those pictures that children are supposed to like but don't. Full of endearing little animals doing endearing things, you know?
Douglas Adams
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Presidents don't have power. Their job is to draw attention away from it.
Douglas Adams
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
Douglas Adams
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Every country is like a particular type of person. America is like a belligerent, adolescent boy, Canada is like an intelligent, 35 year old woman. Australia is like Jack Nicholson.
Douglas Adams
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He felt like an old sponge steeped in paraffin and left in the sun to dry.
Douglas Adams
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The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable.
Douglas Adams
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And as he drove on, the rainclouds dragged down the sky after him, for, though he did not know it, Rob McKenna was a Rain God. All he knew was that his working days were miserable and he had a succession of lousy holidays. All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him, and to water him.
Douglas Adams