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Even the evil-looking bird perched on a rod in the bar had stopped screeching out the names and addresses of local contract killers, which was a service it provided for free.

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Douglas Adams
Age: 49 †
Born: 1952
Born: March 11
Died: 2001
Died: May 11
Comedian
Novelist
Playwright
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Douglas Noel Adams
Douglas Noël Adams
Douglas N. Adams
Evil
Local
Screeching
Even
Bars
Perched
Stopped
Contract
Service
Killers
Bird
Contracts
Names
Addresses
Looking
Provided
Free
Locals

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Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single fact took the scientific world by storm.
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Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well! It must have been made to have me in it!
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After a while he played with the pencil and the paper again and was delighted when he discovered how to make a mark with the one on the other. Various noises continued outside, but he didn't know whether they were real or not. He then talked to his table for a week to see how it would react.
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Mc Donalds he thought. There's no longer any such thing as a Mc Donalds hamburger. He passed out. When he came around seconds later he found he was sobbing for his mother.
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Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.
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Time doesn't necessarily happen in chronological order.
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Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still know where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
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He turned slowly like a fridge door opening.
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No one really knows what mattresses are meant to gain from their lives either. They are large, friendly, pocket-sprung creatures that live quiet private lives in the marshes of Sqornshellous Zeta. Many of them get caught, slaughtered, dried out, shipped out and slept on. None of them seems to mind this and all of them are called Zem.
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If God allows proof that he exists he robs people of faith and without faith what is God? Nothing.
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People who need to bully you are the easiest to push around.
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You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'Yeah,' said Zaphod, 'but don't shout it out or they'll all want one.' 'THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'No, just A Zaphod Beeblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?' 'But sir,' it squealed, 'I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...' 'Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.
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Cyberspace is - or can be - a good, friendly and egalitarian place to meet.
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He was constantly reminded of how startlingly different a place the world was when viewed from a point only three feet to the left.
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... The truth of the matter is, that most English people don't know how to make tea anymore either, and most people drink cheap instant coffee instead, which is a pity, and gives Americans the impression that the English are just generally clueless about hot stimulants.
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Life,” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.
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Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
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Marvin started his ironical humming again. Zaphod hit him and he shut up.
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The reason why so many sects hang around airports looking for converts: they know that people there are at their most vulnerable and perplexed, and ready to accept any kind of guidance.
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