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The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.

Douglas Adams

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Douglas Adams
Age: 49 †
Born: 1952
Born: March 11
Died: 2001
Died: May 11
Comedian
Novelist
Playwright
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Douglas Noel Adams
Douglas Noël Adams
Douglas N. Adams
Inaccurate
Definitive
Frequently
Statistics
Guide
Guides
Reality

More quotes by Douglas Adams

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Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colourless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms.
Douglas Adams
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The teacher usually learns more than the pupils. Isn't that true? It would be hard to learn much less than my pupils, came a low growl from somewhere on the table, without undergoing a pre-frontal lobotomy.
Douglas Adams
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I tend to get very suspicious of anything that thinks it's art while it's being created.
Douglas Adams
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My capacity for happiness, he added, you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
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He learned to communicate with birds and discovered their conversation was fantastically boring. It was all to do with windspeed, wingspans, power-to-weight ratios and a fair bit about berries.
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I can see we're in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse.
Douglas Adams
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Don't spin your wheels and stress. Take a deep breath, center yourself and make a plan.
Douglas Adams
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The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
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The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second.
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Yes it is,' said the Professor. 'Wait—' he motioned to Richard, who was about to go out again and investigate— 'let it be. It won't be long.' Richard stared in disbelief. 'You say there's a horse in your bathroom, and all you can do is stand there naming Beatles songs?' The Professor looked blankly at him.
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Sherlock Holmes observed that once you have eliminated the impossible then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
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One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of accidentally becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broadminded and well-adjusted family can't cope with.
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Anything invented before your fifteenth birthday is the order of nature. That's how it should be. Anything invented between your th and th birthday is new and exciting, and you might get a career there. Anything invented after that day, however, is against nature and should be prohibited.
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And so the problem remained lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.
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The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.
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Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
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The seat received him in a loose and distant kind of way, like an aunt who disapproves of the last fifteen years of your life and will therefore furnish you with a basic sherry, but refuses to catch your eye.
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We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
Douglas Adams
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Solutions nearly always come from the direction you least expect, which means there's no point trying to look in that direction because it won't be coming from there.
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You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'Yeah,' said Zaphod, 'but don't shout it out or they'll all want one.' 'THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'No, just A Zaphod Beeblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?' 'But sir,' it squealed, 'I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...' 'Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.
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