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I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Looks
Mullets
Tapes
Jerk
Tape
Lots
Material
Materials
Look
Mullet

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
Doug Stanhope
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I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
Doug Stanhope
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Get the right to marry - and then don't.
Doug Stanhope
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Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
Doug Stanhope
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
Doug Stanhope
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When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
Doug Stanhope
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Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.
Doug Stanhope
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Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.
Doug Stanhope
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I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
Doug Stanhope
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Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.
Doug Stanhope
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There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
Doug Stanhope
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The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
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I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
Doug Stanhope
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The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
Doug Stanhope
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It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
Doug Stanhope
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don't.
Doug Stanhope
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Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
Doug Stanhope
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Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?
Doug Stanhope