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The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Drug
Everything
Mind
Drugs

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
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Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.
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If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
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In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.
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I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
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I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
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There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
Doug Stanhope
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He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
Doug Stanhope
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Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
Doug Stanhope
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Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
Doug Stanhope
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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
Doug Stanhope
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
Doug Stanhope