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The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Supposed

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.
Doug Stanhope
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We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
Doug Stanhope
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Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
Doug Stanhope
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There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.
Doug Stanhope
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
Doug Stanhope
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Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there are too many people.
Doug Stanhope
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Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.
Doug Stanhope
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I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
Doug Stanhope
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I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
Doug Stanhope
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Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
Doug Stanhope
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
Doug Stanhope
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
Doug Stanhope
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Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason.
Doug Stanhope
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What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
Doug Stanhope
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I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
Doug Stanhope
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Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
Doug Stanhope
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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
Doug Stanhope
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There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
Doug Stanhope
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The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
Doug Stanhope