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The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Moderation
Bullshit
Excess
Keys
Tell
Good
Life

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.
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Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
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There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
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Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
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I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.
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He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
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Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
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I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word evil? Oh, I'm a wreck! You gotta do a double shot every time he says evildoers. Chug the bottle for axis of evil. Are you a president or an exorcist?!
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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
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I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
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The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
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I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.
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I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle you are not all going to be here at the end.
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If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young.
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This is Lakshmi Singh. It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.
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Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
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I'm not the one-take wonder that a lot people think I am.
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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
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I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
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I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.
Doug Stanhope