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You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Trying
Eco
Abortion
Friendly
Green
Help
Helping
Mother
Earth
Sodomy

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I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!
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All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
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Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
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Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
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Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.
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One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.
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I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
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I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
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There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
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I'm forty four I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.
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Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
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I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
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Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.
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Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
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Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
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That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
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Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
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In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.
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