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Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

Doug Stanhope

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Doug Stanhope
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 25
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Writer
Worcester
Massachusetts
Douglas Stanhope
Separation
Hold
State
Church
Didn
America
States

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

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All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!
Doug Stanhope
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I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im paying to see a comedy, then I just want to see whos funniest, with everyone treated equally.
Doug Stanhope
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I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits you can't smoke somebody pretty.
Doug Stanhope
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Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
Doug Stanhope
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Get the right to marry - and then don't.
Doug Stanhope
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One UK paper described me as a miserablist, a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.
Doug Stanhope
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Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
Doug Stanhope
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Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity.
Doug Stanhope
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Close your mouth when you chew. That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.
Doug Stanhope
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A lot of the Olympic games just boil down to genetics. Michael Phelps is genetically built to swim better than other people if he trains the same way. You might as well have a competition for who's the tallest, and act like it's anyone's game!
Doug Stanhope
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I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
Doug Stanhope
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Coward is the most misused word in our society.
Doug Stanhope
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AA makes Scientology look credible.
Doug Stanhope
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Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
Doug Stanhope
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Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.
Doug Stanhope
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Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
Doug Stanhope
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I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
Doug Stanhope
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Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
Doug Stanhope
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Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
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As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.
Doug Stanhope